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Vermont humor
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vtsnowedin



Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Posts: 5204
Location: New England ,Chelsea Vermont

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:07 pm    Post subject: Vermont humor Reply with quote

This is close enough to the truth to help you Brits understand me a bit better.


Quote:
Here is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Vermonters...

Forget Rednecks .... If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Vermont
. If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Vermont. If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Vermont.

If Vacation means going anywhere south of New York City for the weekend, you live in Vermont . If you measure distance in hours, you live in Vermont . If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you live in Vermont .

If you have switched from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again, you live in Vermont . If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Vermont . If you install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked, you live in Vermont.

If you carry jumpers in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Vermont . If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Vermont .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Vermont . If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Vermont .

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Vermont . If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Vermont . If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in Vermont .

If there's a Dunkin Donuts on every corner, you live in Vermont . If you think everyone else has a funny accent, you live in Vermont .

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Vermont friends, you live or have lived in Vermont.

Cool
I can personally attest to all of them except the shorts and parka A younger generation has added that one.
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BritDownUnder



Joined: 21 Sep 2011
Posts: 529
Location: Hunter Valley, NSW, Australia

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 1:15 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

In Australia I have definitely heated my house in the morning and then cooled it in the afternoon. I have not done any of the other things listed.
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stumuz1



Joined: 07 Jun 2016
Posts: 335
Location: Anglesey

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:37 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I know all about Vermont.

I have watched White Christmas many times Very Happy
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vtsnowedin



Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Posts: 5204
Location: New England ,Chelsea Vermont

PostPosted: Sat Dec 22, 2018 11:47 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

stumuz1 wrote:
I know all about Vermont.

I have watched White Christmas many times Very Happy

Watching it and shoveling it is two very different things. Smile
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Lurkalot



Joined: 08 Mar 2014
Posts: 231

PostPosted: Sun Dec 23, 2018 10:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Nice interjection of humour into what is ( no disrespect intended) a forum with generally a lot of doom and gloom.
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kenneal - lagger
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Joined: 20 Sep 2006
Posts: 11056
Location: Newbury, Berkshire

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 3:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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Little John



Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 6740
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 4:08 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ok. Here's a Christmas cracker for you lot

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adam2
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Joined: 02 Jul 2007
Posts: 7121
Location: North Somerset

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 5:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

You may be a redneck if---------

"Night time toilet trips require shoes (if you have them) and a flashlight"

"You own a home that is mobile, and several cars that are not"

"You keep a can of Raid on the breakfast table"

"You think that the stock market has a fence around it"

"Your coffee table was once a cable drum"

"You think that genitalia is an Italian airline"

"There is a bottle of denatured alcohol on the kitchen table"

I must stress that I do not consider that the above apply to the O/P.

For a bonus point, which one applies to ME !
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kenneal - lagger
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Joined: 20 Sep 2006
Posts: 11056
Location: Newbury, Berkshire

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 6:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

adam2 wrote:
.....

"Your coffee table was once a cable drum"

.......

For a bonus point, which one applies to ME !


The denatured alcohol could also apply if you have a spirit lamp on the kitchen table.
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vtsnowedin



Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Posts: 5204
Location: New England ,Chelsea Vermont

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 6:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

adam2 wrote:
You may be a redneck if---------

"Night time toilet trips require shoes (if you have them) and a flashlight"

"You own a home that is mobile, and several cars that are not"

"You keep a can of Raid on the breakfast table"

"You think that the stock market has a fence around it"

"Your coffee table was once a cable drum"

"You think that genitalia is an Italian airline"

"There is a bottle of denatured alcohol on the kitchen table"

I must stress that I do not consider that the above apply to the O/P.

For a bonus point, which one applies to ME !

Nope none of those apply. Smile
But I don't shy away from the redneck label. There are lots worse things to be.
You maybe a redneck if:
1.The power goes out for a week and it's not a problem for you beyond helping the flatlander neighbors deal.
2. If anyone in the neighborhood is stuck in a ditch (rain, shine or blizzard) they call you and your tractor before they consider AAA or other wrecker.
3. There is food in your freezer that you caught stealing veggies from your garden.
4. When the fuel supply is low you fire up the chainsaw.
5. You have had homeless people live with you for weeks while they got back on their feet.
6. You have held at least one town office for the last thirty years.
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Little John



Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 6740
Location: UK

PostPosted: Mon Dec 24, 2018 6:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

adam2 wrote:
You may be a redneck if---------

"Night time toilet trips require shoes (if you have them) and a flashlight"

"You own a home that is mobile, and several cars that are not"

"You keep a can of Raid on the breakfast table"

"You think that the stock market has a fence around it"

"Your coffee table was once a cable drum"

"You think that genitalia is an Italian airline"

"There is a bottle of denatured alcohol on the kitchen table"

I must stress that I do not consider that the above apply to the O/P.

For a bonus point, which one applies to ME !
There are at least three that have applied to me at one time or another in my life. But, then, I already knew I was a shit-kicker/woolly-back (the English version of a "redneck")
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RenewableCandy



Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 12654
Location: York

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 9:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

adam2 wrote:
You may be a redneck if---------

"Night time toilet trips require shoes (if you have them) and a flashlight"

"You own a home that is mobile, and several cars that are not"

"You keep a can of Raid on the breakfast table"

"You think that the stock market has a fence around it"

"Your coffee table was once a cable drum"

"You think that genitalia is an Italian airline"

"There is a bottle of denatured alcohol on the kitchen table"

I must stress that I do not consider that the above apply to the O/P.

For a bonus point, which one applies to ME !

We actually *have* a coffee table that was once a cable drum!
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vtsnowedin



Joined: 07 Jan 2011
Posts: 5204
Location: New England ,Chelsea Vermont

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 10:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

RenewableCandy wrote:

We actually *have* a coffee table that was once a cable drum!

Recycling at it's best.
I remember a picnic table that started out as a cable reel. About six feet in diameter and forty inches high on it's side with perhaps an eighteen to twenty four inch center drum. Lasted for several years of use and neglect.
My father being a survivor of a couple of depressions kept things like buckets of used bent nails (just in case). We kids could use them if we learned how to pound them straight on the anvil but heaven help us if we used any new ones building a tree house or other project.
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Little John



Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 6740
Location: UK

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 11:01 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I recycle all old nails from building jobs when I pull walls down

Waste not, want not
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RenewableCandy



Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Posts: 12654
Location: York

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2018 11:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

A pile of old nails is growing beside our wood-burner, from all the decking plank bits I'm putting on. One of these days I'll put them all in a bag & give them to the rag&bone man.
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